I_t's been a month since the election, and any hopes that our nation might soon begin healing have fallen by the wayside. As the era of President Trump dawns, we're more divided than we've ever been. So, for the sake of the public good, it's time to set politics aside for a minute and take in some good old-fashioned meerkat facts._
Bee stings might hurt us, but not meerkats! They're resistant to most insect venoms.
Meerkats are highly social animals, and teach their young the skills they need for survival. This has nothing to do with charter schools. Or Betsy DeVos. I know you're pretty emotional about all this. We all are. That's O.K. But, for now, let's just try to enjoy some facts about meerkats.
A group of meerkats is called a mob! Too cute!
Meerkats were the stars of a reality show—“Meerkat Manor," on Animal Planet—in the mid-aughts! Christ, I knew this was going to happen. Yes, I am aware that Donald Trump also starred in a reality show then, but, beyond that, there are zero similarities. Meerkats are, like, little squirrel-type dealies. They probably don't even know that there was an election. They mostly live in Botswana.
Sometimes meerkats share their burrows peacefully with other species, like gophers, and, no, in no way is this a statement about immigration. First of all, immigrants aren't a "different species"—fuck, am I really going to get sucked into this? Deep breaths. I'm calm. Anyhow, meerkats aren't engaged in the sort of dialogue about globalization, free trade, et cetera, that often drives conversations about immigration. It would be hard for them to do so, since they're, like, tiny weasels that eat bugs.
For animals that spend all of their time in the dirt, meerkats are plenty clean! When they're burrowing, they can close their ears and put a protective film, like swimming goggles, over their eyes! There is no way you can make this be about Trump. Sure. Yes, it is sort of funny that Trump has those weird circles around his eyes from the goggles he wears when he tans. I'll give you that. Now, will you please stop and let us get on with our meerkat facts? Not everything has to be about politics.
Look—I wish Hillary Clinton had won the election, too. You know, my mom went to a Wellesley returns-watch party, and a lot of the younger women brought their daughters—like, five- and six-year-old girls. And a whole bunch of those girls are never going to forget the night a man who bragged about sexual assault beat the first female major-party nominee. There's lasting damage from this thing. I acknowledge that. But we need to come together as a nation, not divide ourselves into opposing factions. Come on. You know that. Anyhow, searching for a sitter for the kids tonight? You might want to call up a meerkat! They look after one another's young.
Sheesh. I think I'm being pretty goddam reasonable right now in asking that you chill out. All I want is a little break. Got it? Here we go: meerkats live in the desert, but their underground burrows keep them cool year-round! Wait. No. No. No! You are not going there. Shut up. This has nothing to do with climate change or Scott Pruitt or the E.P.A. It's not about rampant anti-science rhetoric. It's not about energy policy. It's not about any President, current, past, or future. For the love of God, all I'm trying to do is tell you something about cute li'l critters that just want to have a good time in their cute li'l critter homes, and if that's not allowed anymore I think I may just be fed the fuck up with this country for good.
The meerkat's closest relative is the mongoose!
